Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize
