My friends, they love my intelligence
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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