Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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