i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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