What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
