So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
