Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
