I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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