I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
