My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
