WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
