ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
