New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize