I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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