we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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