I'm eating all of the evidence.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
