Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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