I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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