she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
