I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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