Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
