it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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