The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
