I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
