At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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