I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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