Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Two words: blizzard sex
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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