I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
