she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
