drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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