Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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