I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
