Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
