Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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