Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
