According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
