Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
