there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
