I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
