that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
