apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
