Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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