I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
