If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
