hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
