That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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