He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
