i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
