Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
