i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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