I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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