No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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