just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
