I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Never joke about your clitoris.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
