Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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