yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
