i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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