She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
