thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
