He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
