He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
