After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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