Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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