I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
