I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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