My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
