oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
