Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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