I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize