wanna go halves on a baby?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
