In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
