You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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