Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
