I'm jealous of your bromance
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
