Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
